The Believer; His Health; and Commonsense

I remember how I wrote this post on the spur of the moment. It turned out to be the post with the most engagements and got me encouraged to write more.

As a believer, God wants you to be in perfect health. However, you have to do what’s needful to stay healthy!

I believe it’s content remains valid even today so I thought to share it again. Enjoy!

The Believer; His Health; and Commonsense

1000+ Amazing People! Thank You!!!

A little over a year ago, 500 wonderful folks chose to identify with this blog. I made a post to celebrate them and also share my ‘progress report‘ on this platform.

I’m glad to announce that that number got doubled today. 500 more amazing people have subscribed to this blog.

Folks, we are 1000 people stronger!

For a fellow who doesn’t feel he puts in much effort into blogging activities, this stride means a lot to me and I’m so grateful.

I’m grateful to you all for been a part of my blogging life. I’m grateful for every single likes, comment and reblog. I feel encouraged by your engagements with my blog and every single post.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t think of you as mere stats/figures to boast with. I think of you as individuals with unique abilities, experiences, ideas and worldviews. Each having something valuable to offer.

This platform has availed me the opportunity to

  • Add value to people in my own little way, without any limitation in time and space
  • Connect with good people from different countries of the world
  • Meet and make real/wonderful friends. People I have come to know in person
  • Be a better writer and communicator
  • Partake of the wisdom and rich contents from fellow bloggers…

Thank you once again for your support and contributions. More than ever before, I’ll write, follow up on your posts, share my $2 thoughts and build healthy relationships.

Cheers to more years of adding value 🥂


©IBUKUN

Words!

I used to have a friend who I considered an intelligent and highly creative writer (well, he actually is). The guy rights effortlessly well. Be it fiction or non-fiction, always making sense.

On the other hand, I was a rigid & (struggling) writer. You could call me a good writer as far as constructing meaningful and grammatical sentences was concerned. But no more. My writings usually lacked the flourish/finesse required to make an interesting read. 80% academic & 20% creative.

So each time I wrote a piece I had spent a great deal of effort on and considered quite good for publication, I sent it to him to critique. However, I observed he mostly downplays them: “No substance, lacking in this, devoid of that, bla bla bla. I can’t remember anything positive he ever said about them. And when I ask him to suggest areas of improvement, he merely makes a joke of it and ‘moves on to other matters’.

I remember writing a short story that I was so excited about. I was sure I had done a good job of the storyline, characterization, plot structure and all. I believed it was going to make an interesting read . But alas, when my good friend read it, he couldn’t see any big deal about it.

It turned out to be one of my best work of fiction.

By the way, I minored in literature so I understand what constructive criticism is and I’m all for it. It brings out the best of a writer. But what my friend kept doing was everything but constructive criticism. More like devaluation. I wasn’t looking for someone to rob my ego. Just someone who could point out

I wasn’t looking for someone to rob my ego. Just someone who could point out what I was doing wrong and how I can do it better.
Each time he makes his comment, I become displeased with what I had written and no longer felt enthusiastic about it. All of a sudden, I start to see from his point of view and begin to consider the writing as no good. His words were getting to me and sowing the wrong seeds.

But thankfully, I came to my senses before real damage was done. I realized that this friend was more of a clog in the wheel of my writing pursuit. As far as getting better with my writing was concerned, he would be of no help to me. There and then, I quit sharing my works with him.

Perhaps his manner of feedbacks was his own approach to helping me with my writing skills. Perhaps he meant well, in his own way. But in reality, with his constant dose of negative words, he was sowing seeds of discouragement in me.

Dear friends,

Words are powerful. They dominate our lives. Be careful the kinds of words you allow to come at you because they create your realities.

Man is a product of words. What he hears, when he hears it long enough, settles in his mind, informs his thought pattern, dominates his consciousness and consequently affects his life and decision making.

Words (whether positive or negative) are like arrowheads. When shot with precision hit the target 🎯 with such a force that leaves a lasting impact.

Negative words have the capacity to….

🎯Set you on the path of discouragement & frustration

🎯Make you devalue yourself

🎯Make you lose your sense of self-worth/esteem

🎯 Cause you to be fixated on what seems to be wrong and lose sight of the wonderful things about you.

🎯 Breed inferiority complex and the need to (over) compensate.

🎯 Limit a man’s progress and make a shipwreck of his goals, dreams and aspirations.

When you have accommodated people who complain about how dark you are long enough, you’ll stop thinking black is beautiful and start considering bleaching your skin.

When you tolerate folks who consistently tells you about how your writing lack form, very soon, you’ll start thinking you are ‘not destined’ to write and quit writing entirely.

When you permit those who never fail to impress on you your supposed lack of business acumen, you end up thinking you are not cut out for business and give it up eventually.

Be wary of

❎People who are quick to point out what you do wrong but hardly talk about good things you do

❎Those who (by their words and actions) make you feel bad about things out of your control – defects and all

❎Highly opinionated folks – your opinion can never count with them

❎People who often downplay your ideas, efforts and activities

❎Cynics and pessimists – everything is wrong in their opinion

❎Bitter people – they speak from the abundance of their bitter hearts

❎Folks who peddle in stereotypes – they are hardly intelligent lot

Rather, surround yourself with

❤️Folks who can criticize you constructively

❤️Folks whose words bring out the best in you

❤️Folks who are full of words of affirmation and encouragement

But more importantly, remember this:

You are what God’s Word says you are. God’s Word should have the greatest influence on you and your life.

Give no room for negative energy. Be particular about the words that come at you!

P.S. This post was inspired by the post of a fellow blogger @theafterthought titled: “The healing Power of Words” You can check out her blog for that post and more refreshing writings.


©IBUKUN

THE “SEE FINISH” SYNDROME 👀

Some time ago, I did a job for a friend who needed my writing service. We’ve been friends for a while and she has come to know me quite well. We agreed on terms and conditions and I began the work immediately.

Businesses Lesson No 1: Doing business with a friend can be tricky. If not well managed, you could end up with both a ruined relationship and a bad deal. Be wise about how you engage in business with people who are close to you.
I held up my end of the bargain. Gave the work my best and finished it in good time. Meanwhile, I didn’t charge her the standard fee for the kind of service because I was being nice and friendly. After all, it’s not all about the money. 😎

Business Lesson No 2: Unless you run an NGO, try to not to carry over friendship sentiments into your business dealings. While it’s reasonable to give special considerations to friends, it shouldn’t be to the detriment of your business.
What is more, I didn’t bother to ask for a down-payment (which is standard business practice) before committing to the work. I mean, she is my friend and shouldn’t default in paying. She’ll pay up as soon as I’m done with it.

Business Lesson No 3: Unless you are working pro bono, do well not to commit to a business bargain without a down-payment. People can be funny.


So I finished the work and delivered it to my dear friend even before the time agreed upon. She thanked me profusely for a job well done and then dropped a bomb on me:

I have to be ‘sincere‘ with you. But I’m not sure I can afford the fee. You are my padi (friend) na. You of all people should understand. Just let me pay you XYY (way below what I charged for the job)”.Note that I had already undercharged for the service while putting more finishing touches than what is generally obtainable. Meanwhile, she knew all along she couldn’t afford the agreed fee but chose not to say a word about it until the work was done and delivered. And why is that? “Isn’t it my friend ABC? What can go wrong?”

To cut a long story short, she didn’t pay me the much devalued fee until weeks later. What was more baffling was her attitude to it all. ‘I’ll pay you when I can’ 💁‍♀️. And why is that? She knows me too well: ‘Mr Nice Guy’ who will turn the other cheek when slapped.I chose not to take offense or let her conduct cause a rift between us. Took some doing though. But one thing is sure. She had lost my goodwill as far as business dealings with her was concerned. I won’t be doing business with her anytime soon.

By implication, she has lost out on:
📌 Having a friend who can get the job done promptly.
📌 A fellow who will execute the job as if it were his own.
📌One who won’t rip her off but will  charge her reasonably well.
📌 Someone she can fall back on to help her with the kind of service even when she is broke.

You see, it’s not a cliche when folks say too much familiarity breeds contempt.


I believe familiarity, in the real sense of it, shouldn’t breed contempt. After all, how can you claim to have a good relationship with someone if you don’t have a level of familiarity with them? But then, my people will say ‘when a handshake goes beyond the ankle, it has become something else’.

It’s great display of wisdom and maturity when we don’t allow the privileged information or access we have to people cloud our sense of value and regard for them.I believe it’s a terrible lack of judgment when we treat those close to us or care about us with less regard while we worship at the feet of folks who care less about us.

You go out of your way to treat an outsider nicely and respectfully while you disregard those you know closely. Seriously?

There is an Algerian proverb that says “there is an excess of familiarity at the root of all hostility“. I think it’s not far from the truth.

Remember what transpired between Jesus and his kinsmen? They couldn’t receive the blessings he had to offer because of the background knowledge they had of him: “Who does he think he is? Isn’t he the son of the carpenter we’ve always known?”

Someone once said that too much familiarity makes us devalue those we love the most because we are used to them being around. 💯

Nigerians have a colloquial way of referring to this malady. They call it SEE FINISH.

Oh, you mean Mr. XYZ? I know him too well.”

” Don’t mind her. Isn’t she the same girl I know? She doesn’t have much to offer.”

SEE FINISH is why
📌A family member of a man of God fails to receive healing from him while other church members do.
📌 A wife is bemused when outsiders speak highly of her husband 😏
📌 A friend fails to take another seriously and misses out on a vital information passed on by the friend.

I can go on…

Whatever you do, avoid being too familiar (SEE FINISH) with people. You will lose value for them and not make the best of your relationship with them. You will shoot yourself in the leg!
Thank you for reading.


©IBUKUN