5 MYTHS ABOUT MARRIAGE YOU SHOULD DEBUNK

Hello good people! I’ve been wanting to put this out for a while but “some forces” seemed to be hindering its release. Today, the embargo is lifted.

I’m sure we’ve heard/read all manner of things about marriage and its entailments. While some are absolutely right, others are merely cock and bull. I’ll be addressing a few of those wrongs notions in this post. Let’s get down to business…

Marriage is a must

Shouldn’t wearing your shoes to bed be a must too?

Marriage, when done as God would have it, is honorable and desirable. To cast aspersion on the institution is to make an open display of one’s ignorance of its dynamic: God’s love and relationship with His church. In the same vein, to think of marriage as a 6-unit course that one must not fail (in the Lord) is to think overboard.

“Marriage is not a must; rather, it’s a choice – albeit a noble one” .

I’m yet to find out (from the scriptures) that a believing man is cast in hell because he refuses to get married neither have I discovered an occasion where God dealt with men variably depending on their marital status. God’s primary concern for man is his spiritual well-being. The Bible didn’t reckon with anyone according to their marital status. Whether a man marries or not is secondary and inconsequential.

Such an expression as a ‘a man/woman incomplete without a spouse‘ is a big fat lie. Marriage makes no one complete. The believer is only complete in Him (Christ). He/she needs no man or woman to be whole. And that’s why I’m often bemused when I hear folks call their partners their ‘better half‘. In a godly marriage, two (separately) complete individuals come together to become one (in the flesh). The word ‘one’ simply denotes unity, harmony, and singleness of purpose, not number.

Marriage is advantageous but not a necessity.

You shouldn’t be single at so and so age

Such statement as “your mates are now married” is one reason why many have rushed into hapless relationships/marriages today. The question is: Is your name/identity ‘your mate’?

What if he is 34 and does not think like one? What if she is 30 and still isn’t emotionally and spiritually mature? When God designed the institution called marriage, he didn’t attach an age bracket for admittance into it.

All we know is that marriage is a union between a MAN and a WOMAN. Meanwhile, the last time I checked, the age requirement into MANHOOD is relative. What makes a man or woman is not necessarily the length of years but the extent of maturity. Little wonder Elihu said, “Age is no guarantee of wisdom and understanding”.

This isn’t to say that a teenager should start considering marriage or that an adult should care less about his/her relationship status. Marriage is for those who understand responsibility and are ready to take it.

Disclaimer: I haven’t said you need to attain the age bracket of Methuselah before you consider marriage. When it’s the right time, you’ll know and you should go for it.

Marriage is incomplete without children

Trouble starts when a man sees a woman (his wife) as a glorified baby-making factory; when he cares for and maintains the factory (the wife) with the sole expectation that it (she) should churn out desired products.

No one prays to be barren. In fact, God is not pleased with such a condition. Hence, He makes a woman who is in a childless home a joyful mother – Psa 113:9. However, it’s shallow to think that a marriage is incomplete without an offspring. While bearing and raising godly seed is one of the reasons for marriage, it’s not the main purpose of the institution.

What then is the essence? Companionship of course. God created Eve so Adam won’t have to be all by himself. What’s more, the woman was designed to be a helper. The foundation/survival of a marriage is shaky once it’s built on the sole need to procreate. A marriage can survive all odds, childlessness inclusive, when the pillar that holds it is genuine love and a sound understanding of the essence of marriage.

I know of a very good number of childless couples who have enjoyed a long happily married life. Do they desire children regardless? Sure. Do they however feel something is wrong with their marriage because of their predicament? No – they know better. Is God able to grant their desire no matter the length of time? Definitely – it has happened before and it’s going to happen again.

Meanwhile, just so you know, not every couple wants children in marriage. Some are just fine with fulfilling purpose with each other. It’s not a sin. Last I checked, God didn’t reckon or relate with anyone (in the scriptures) based on their reproductive status.

He/she will change in marriage.

Whoever sells this idea to you doesn’t mean well.

I have good news for you: No miracle takes place on the altar. If he/she doesn’t measure up to a well-balanced standard, don’t go the long haul with such.

WYGIWYG is the case in marriage – What You Give Is What You Get.

During the course of courting, you keep seeing warning signals yet you keep ignoring them: “I know he has temper issues and can get physical sometimes. But then, he is a nice guy and all. I believe marriage is going to change him”. How about you run for your life before your life runs from you.

He claims to be a believer but is hardly interested in spiritual activities – prayer, studying of God’s word, attending a local church… However, he has sound morals and even ‘behave better than some so-called SUs. I’ll keep praying for him; I’m sure he is going to turn around (in marriage) with time. One can only hope the best for you.

Marriage is a blank slate. It’s a virgin soil that reproduces the seed sewn therein in folds. The marriage doesn’t make the couples but the other way round. What each party brings into marriage is what the marriage amplifies. Meanwhile, most times, folks get to relax on their weaknesses once they consummate the relationship. After all, they already have what they desire – the other party.

There is a special favour you have in marriage

If that’s the case, what happens to those who didn’t marry? The favor they enjoy from God is limited compared to their married counterparts? What happens to those great men in the scriptures who were highly favored of God and yet without a marriage certificate? I bet those who hold this thought use Proverbs 18:22 as a proof of their belief.

True, it’s easier and faster to get things done when two individuals of like mind are involved than it is for a single individual. However, it’s funny to think God dishes out his goodness variably on the basis of your marital status. God gives to all men generously and graciously.


Thank you for reading!


©Ayansola Ibukun

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41 thoughts on “5 MYTHS ABOUT MARRIAGE YOU SHOULD DEBUNK

  1. Ibukun, I really enjoyed this post 😊. This your memes are funny. There’s so much to takeaway from this post.

    I love the ground work of understanding that marriage is an institution created by God. Anyone can decide on getting married but when God is not in it, they must get ready for serious firework. So many people rush into marriage without the knowledge of what marriage is. So many people rush into marriage even with the red flags. Indeed, you can never change your partner but God gives you wisdom on how to handle any given situation. It is God alone that can change that individuals heart.

    When two people come together, they are not coming to complete one another. Completion is found in Christ. Without that understanding, there will be unnecessary expectations from both parties. I believe that marriage is a beautiful union. Like any relationship, it will have its ups and downs. Some seasons fire. Other seasons, water. In all things, God must be the foundation in which any marriage stands upon. If God is the foundation during the church ceremony and is neglected throughout the marriage, then it will be serious wahala. Without God being the pillar, the union can easily be broken.

    Thank you for sharing this piece with us. Man of wisdom 👏🏾. Onkowe mi ti ara eni 👌🏿

    Liked by 3 people

    1. ☺ Temilade kan bai. (You’ll have to explain the Yoruba expression you used o).

      You’re right. It’s needful that I lay the proper groundwork for the post so I don’t get misconstrued. The post is never to downplay the institution of marriage but to expound on what needs to be taken into consideration on the journey to it.

      And indeed, the knowledge of God is the solid foundation on which a happy home stands. Yes, there’ll be high and low moments. However, folks with the right understanding will make it work. It’s essential to understand the purpose/idea behind it to have a marriage that will stand the test of time.

      Thanks for your profound thoughts/contributions ore mi.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Leave me alone. You should be the one explaining to me you know. Anyways, it means “my personal writer”.

        See response oo 😂. My heart is glad. There is joy in my soul. This your two words “misconstrued” and “expound”. Dictionary boy. Teacher oh Teacher. We as students are learning with every lesson. Friend of life, no problem at all 🤗. There is always something to learn from you as I pass through your neighborhood. Have an awesome day. Chop well. It’s Friday, you know 😄

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The feelings of being incomplete is what motivate people to desire to be married. When the truth is marriage is not a cure for loneliness. One is a whole number we must know who we are first before linking ourselves with another person. If I’m not happy by myself I’m sure not going to be happy with another person. People cannot make us happy. We have to find wholeness in Christ and the sooner we start seeking it in Him the better off we will be.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Absolutely! It takes two (individually) whole persons to make marriage work. A fellow who hasn’t found purpose/joy in himself (via God) has no business getting married. For all it’s worth, marriage is responsibility.

      Thanks a lot for reading and sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. This is an important topic and you did justice to it Ayan. Well done👏👏👏. I’m mostly touched by the first three myths you pointed out. It’s sad these myths rule our civilised societies to the extent that they have become an embedded criterion especially in the African society. At certain age, you’re supposed to be married or everyone will start looking at you somehow as well as make certain comments..in my culture they say – “the beauty of a woman is her husband” this is a terrible societal myth. I hate to hear that from anyone because many ladies are going to earthly hell with rockets because of this unsubstantiated belief. They marry to be married – to have the status – married to their profiles. God save you if you’re girl up to 35 in my society and you’re not married, they give you madam. Like “madam pls come” and the man at 40 and everybody will be like, “is he not married yet? What is he waiting for”.
    The same goes to not having a child.. people act in such a way that can push a childless couple to do the unimaginable.
    You find out that individuals want to live in n certain way but societal influence/belief/myth, gives them another way of life. It’s absurd.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Your thoughts are just spot on. Ours is a society where so much significance is attached to one’s marital status. The single yet responsible lady is stigmatized because of her status while the married but unmannered woman is treated better. I’ve come across quite a number of lady who thinks “settling down” is the ultimate after graduation – no thoughts of building a career or charting a course for their lives. All thanks to societal influences. Folks seem to care all about when you should get married as though they’ll help you make the marriage work. One can just hope we’ll begin to see things from a proper perspective someday.

      As always, I appreciate your thoughtful contributions and support. Thanks a lot.

      Like

        1. 😂 The idea for the baby memes was a last minute thing. I used to be a ‘too serious’ (rigid) writer once. I’ve however discovered I can still drive home my points without necessarily sounding like a doomsday preacher.

          Like

  4. Chop knuckle fam!. Such valid points. I can’t say more. They are just so on point.

    Marriage is a union of 2 perfectly made (complete) folks. I loathe that word (better half). Me I prefer – my better whole. Half kwa 🕵

    And making it seem like that is all to life, allowing people mount pressure on you etc.

    And love this part – “He or she will change”. Ah 🙊. That must be in their wildest dream o. Holy Spirit changes (God does) not man. It’s so sad many folks have settled for less and made a mess of their great and bright future. 😪

    And yes, we are meant to be fruitful and multiply but sometimes I jokingly say – there are a lot of children who don’t even have any children to fend for them. Give birth quite alright but you can look into catering for those ones too.

    May we get a better understanding of this graceful plan of God. And really get it right.

    I know I said I didn’t wanna say anything. 😶 But I ended up stating 😂🙈

    Blessings Blessing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 😂. Anu Kan bai! Did you say anything? 🤔 I don’t think so. You simply made sense.

      You couldn’t have summed it up any better. Like you said, having a (right) better understanding is key to enjoying prospering in it.

      Ose omo daadaa 😉

      How are you doing?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Perfect.cant be described in a better way.I myself was literary forced,emotionally blackmailed to her married just coz I was becoming 28 and all my friends were married. if you aren’t mentally ready to get married it really DOESNT HELP😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This was a great post. Definitely agree with you that all these myths should be debunked.
    Society have so heavily imposed marriage on ‘us’ that some feel incomplete without it. As a result some rush into marriage just for the sole purpose of avoiding the “when will you marry” discussion. Or some stay in a broken and toxic marriage all in the name of “what will people say?”
    In fact, a lady that’s 30 and still unmarried and without children is seen as ‘abnormal.’ Marriage and bearing of kids should solely be a personal decision even when society thinks otherwise. Though it’s easier said than done. But my hope is that eventually people will begin to make this life long decisions for themselves and themselves only without factoring in societal expectations of how things ‘should’ be done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your contribution is so apt. It’s all about the individual and his/her understanding/desire. The society is good at mounting pressure. However, when the chips are down, it all boils down to the individual.

      I’m grateful for your thoughtful and precise words. Thanks a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is such a great article Ayansola! Marriage definitely doesn’t complete anyone. We must be whole in Jesus Christ. I heard someone once say God the husband and the wife make the family. There doesn’t have to be children for it to be a family. Couples can be happy without kids.. thanks for pointing that out.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is a very important subject. And it should be taught in churches too. Many times parents are churches force people into marriage. Some of my friends tell me they don’t plan to get married. I used to think it was weird. But marriage is not for everybody and no one should be forced into it.
    All your points are well noted and very good for everyone to learn from them.

    Like

    1. 👌I’m grateful for your well-thought-out contribution. The issue is about maturity, preparedness and readiness. As much as one wouldn’t want to encourage anyone not to marry, one shouldn’t try to make folks get into it against their will. To each man his own. Thanks always for your profound thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Marriage !!!!
    This topic or institution on it’s own is daunting to me . ” your mates are married ,look at you” this phrase has destroyed so many people . “you need a man in your life to feel complete” it has made many girls rush into boiling soup. You should get married when you are matured enough . so many people see the sweetness and glory in marriage but they don’t see the endurance in it . it’s when they enter they know , when they try to run people tell them ” na so marriage be oh , you GATS endure ” .

    OK well done , this is why you must be matured in handling people and yourself. So be ready mentally and also spiritually .

    There’s so much about this marriage topic.
    Thanks for sharing this insightful post

    Like

    1. 👌I guess I should just find a way to squeeze your contribution into the post somehow 😉. You did justice to the essence of the writing. Your penultimate paragraph sums it all up. There is more to the marriage business than meets the eye. Thanks a bunch for the knowledgeable thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

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