RELATIOSHIPS AND APOLOGIES

Human relationships (be it familial, filial, congenial, romantic or professional) is an interesting albeit complex phenomenon. Inherent in them are contradictory aspects struggling for supremacy. Just as some parts struggle to keep the bond of a relationship, other parts ensure that they leave it fragmented. For instance, while traits like love, mutual understanding/respect, and empathy tend to foster cordial relationships, idiosyncrasies such as attitudinal problems, unwholesome behavioural patterns and a sense of distrust tend to breathe friction. In the words of Kienzle and Dare, each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within an individual.

MISTAKES

One of those things that projects the imperfection in humans and hamper cordial relationships is mistakes. I’ll define a mistake as an incorrect, unwise act or decision due to bad judgement or a lack of information or care. There’s a saying among my people that says no matter how hard a man tries, whenever he walks, he can’t help his head from shaking now and then.

Imagine that the world is a big school and everyone in it are pupils. Mistakes then will be likened to backpacks – every pupil straps his own. We all make our share of them – some trivial and others grievous. The interesting is mistakes are often not premeditated. Instead, they are mostly products of bad judgements calls.

Human interactions have never been a perfect one; it demands that we step on one another’s toes now and then. After all, even the teeth and the tongue do have their occasional issues. Since we are not all wired the same way, we are bound to speak, act or behave in a manner that will displease the other.

FOR INSTANCE…

The father who has had a hectic day at work screams at his poor little girl who asks him a harmless question…the immediate boss at work reprimands his subordinate for a wrong he didn’t commit…the fiancée vents an anger caused by someone else on her fiancé…and the scenarios are endless. However, whatever the dynamic is, a wrong can always be overlooked/forgiven when the wrongdoer makes proper amend.

ATTACHED TO A PENCIL IS AN ERASER

Consider mistakes and redress from the point-of-view of the makers of the typical pencil. Consider the foresight they exhibited in making them. They knew that, in the course of using it for creative purposes, errors/mistakes are bound to occur. Hence, they fit an eraser right on top of it to clean them off. Such forward-thinking perspective concerning mundane things can also come to bear on the art of relationship, especially when it comes to tackling wrongs done to a person.

Except in extreme cases, we have the capacity to re-write any wrong/mistake. Interestingly, no antidote to wrongs does a better job than admittance to wrongdoing and a sincere apology.

THE WEIGHT OF AN APOLOGY

A wise man once said “it takes a big man to admit when he is wrong and even a bigger man to admit that another is right”. An apology is a statement expressing remorse for an action. To apologise is to acknowledge a wrongdoing or to take responsibility for a wrong done to another.

Really?

Rendering an apology is a face-saving act. The truth is in every ideal individual is a sense of self-esteem or dignity that he tries to protect. When he is wronged, there is a threat to that sense which makes him feel hurt. However, such threat is mitigated when genuine apologetic statements are offered. However, more importantly, a genuine apology is backed with the preparedness to do what is right going forward. While some interesting folk will view apologies as a sign of weakness, every right-thinking individual understandsits potency.

To apologise is to say sorry, i.e. express regret for an action that has upset another. Most times, an apology goes with the utterance of three simple yet powerful words “I am sorry”. Many relationships have been salvaged because the offending party apologised as at when due and in the right way while others have been severed because particular parties involved found it difficult to apologies. Some even made matters worse because of the manner in which they apologised.

APOLOGY MEANS RESPONSIBILITY

When a fellow apologises, he is taking responsibility for a fault and expressing his regrets. It’s therefore counteractive when certain speech and attitudinal factors betray the genuineness of the apology rendered. For instance, what’s the good in an apology rendered with an irritating/angry tone or with voice raised? J.A. Holmes is right when he opines that 90% of the friction of daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice.

What’s more, apology and amends are like Siamese twins; they go hand in hand. There is no point apologising for an action one will keep repeating. A sincere apology will imply shying away from whatever upsets another. For example, if I apologise to you after saying something rude to you, my apologies should also imply that I won’t say such rude words to you in the future. It’s then that my apology will make sense and bring about the required change.

YOU WANT IT TO BLOSSOM? NURTURE IT!

Human relationships can be likened to a tender flower. If you don’t want it to wither, you have to nurture it. Since mutual affection is a basis for its survival, one has to ensure that it sustained. Consequently, the ability to sustain it is hinged on having the right set of attitudes. One of those attitudes is the ability to render a sincere apology as at when due and ensure that the mistake for which one apologises doesn’t keep repeating itself.


Image Credits:

flickr

Blackwing


©ayansolaibukun

https://ayansola.wordpress.com

22 thoughts on “RELATIOSHIPS AND APOLOGIES

    1. 🤣🤣”they either reject the apology outright expecting you to carry wine to him/her, accompanied by the entire kinsmen…” I can’t help but laugh at this. But then, you’re right in your deduction. We should all practise the law of advanced forgiveness. Knowing that, as humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Ever grateful for your brilliant inputs.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Well said. This is a very important aspect of relationship that is very hard for most people – being able to say sorry when at fault and being able to forgive and let go. Sometimes we feel like if we say sorry, we are bowing down to the other and that hurts our ego. Another thing that makes it harder is that some people, when you apologise to them, they either reject the apology outright expecting you to carry wine to him/her, accompanied by the entire kinsmen before he/she will accept, or pretends to forgive you but holding it down there, to bring it up when something else happens. You can imagine that. The only way relationships can survive is by forgiving and letting go even before the apology comes, no matter how many times we’re offended. Thank you for sharing this post lbk. It’s very essential.

    Like

    1. 🤣🤣 “they either reject the apology outright expecting you to carry wine to him/her, accompanied by the entire kinsmen…” I can’t help but laugh at this. But then, you’re right in your deduction. We should all practise the law of advanced forgiveness. Knowing that, as humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Ever grateful for your brilliant inputs.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice one
    Funny thing is some people apologize but take no responsibility to avoid a repeat.
    Saying i’m sorry has weight when we own our wrongs and take steps to righting them

    Liked by 2 people

  3. He says ” I am sorry ” . ” na your sorry I wan chop” she replies .
    Its good to say sorry when you are wrong , its easy to say sorry to some people but others find it difficult to release the words. This is because they do not want to be wrong , there are certain people I have met that are 100% wrong but do not come to a place of acceptance and try to change . when not pushed they still remain in such nature .
    At this phase of my life I don’t think sorry is enough but work. This is another part we need to consciously walk in. So many guys have begged and said sorry but I don’t feel that’s enough reason to want to be in a relationship with them .
    This is why there are certain things to look out for and certain things to put in place in every relationship. So you don’t end up being a beggar.
    We all need to consciously work in every relationship we are in and stop letting feelings do the work

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🤣🤣You certainly have a rich sense of humor. But then, you are absolutely right. Relationships come with responsibilities. It’s not enough to say sorry but also ensure that one does better, going forward. Personally, apologies don’t mean much to me when I see that the one apologizing has no intention to do things right. People need to make conscious effort at ensuring that their relationship works. I really appreciate your profound comment.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s