I once had a neighbour who was a bachelor at the time – tall, dark and handsome young man with a little change in the bank. He had this beautiful lady who always come around during weekends, mostly Saturdays. The minute she settles down in the guy’s room, she sets to work. She starts by sweeping and cleaning up his apartment – a room and parlour. She’ll then bring out a mountain-load of the guy’s used cloths – undies and all – and begin to wash. Sometimes, she’ll have to fetch the needed water to get the job done. Once the cloths are washed and hung out to dry, she sets out for the community market nearby to get foodstuffs/groceries which she begin to prepare the minute she returns.
Meanwhile, while she is busy at work; Mr Smart is at a field adjacent our building playing football with friends. Once the match is over, he starts to discuss football and other manly matters with the same friends. After a discussion that spans over two hours sometimes, he comes home to have his bath, dresses up and informs the lady he needs to see a couple of people here and there. I hope food will be ready by the time I’m back, he’ll ask. Sure, it will. Just don’t take too long to return, the lady I now call Miss Compliant will respond. Anyway, by the time Mr Smart returns, food is ready. Usually, she waits for him to return before she eats. Food doesn’t taste well when you eat alone after all. So bros returns and they both eat.
Now, here is the curious thing, up to the point when she gets to his place till they both eat, the door is always partially opened – well, at least he leaves the main door opened while he drapes the curtain the over the net door. However, the minute lunch is over, boss man shuts the door completely and turns on the home theatre on full-blast mode. What happens during the period the blasting is on is best left to your imagination. All I know is after a couple of hours, the volume of the beat is turned to room level and the duo emerges looking refreshed.
This routine went on for a spate of six month until sometime in April. I got home one fine Saturday evening to be greeted by an interesting scene. Miss Compliant was banging on Mr Smart’s door crying profusely. Clearly, the dude locked her out. How dare you treat me this way, she lamented. After all I did for you…after everything I’ve sacrificed for you and so forth. Well, she eventually exhausted herself and decided it was time to leave. Ori mi a da fun e, she muttered as she matched out tearily into the street.
I later came to know the lady had a master’s degree in economics from one of the federal universities. Besides, she had a fine job and earned a reasonable income. Mr smart was only a college dropout who lived on family money. By the way, it wasn’t up to a month of Miss Compliant’s exit before Mr Smart discovered another babe who continued in the path of Miss Compliant. He moved out of the house not long after.
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If, as a lady, you fall into the category of the lady Miss Compliant, shame on you.
It bothers me when I see or hear of ladies who literally enslave themselves all in the name of being in a relationship. It’s either such ladies don’t know their place or role in relationships or they have a big problem with self-esteem/worth. Nothing or better still, no Man should make a lady stoop way too low and lose her sense of dignity. It’s bad enough when less-informed folks indulge in servitude in the name of loving a man. It’s however distasteful when well-educated/exposed ladies condescend to the level of a maid for a guy who is yet to be their husbands.
I’ve tried to contemplate reasons why a lady will leave her parent’s house to gleefully do things she’ll do grudgingly in her parent’s house. A lady once told me that it’s okay for a lady to do such things as a way of showing submission for a guy. Really? I asked in amazement. Submission to a guy who is yet to be your husband? By the way, submission, in the proper context of marriage, isn’t the same thing as servitude. It only informs the sense of honour and respect a woman has for her husband.
Among such ridiculous excuse made even by quite a number of ladies for this predicament is the need a lady to take care of a guy, please him and make him happy. Take care of him? I’ll like to know if such a guy is invalid, incapacitated or indisposed. Unless any of the above, a guy (bachelor) who needs a lady to take care of him really needs help. As for pleasing or making a guy happy, the lady who embarks on such mission must be Santa Claus. A man you need to please in order to keep is surely not a man you should be involved with in the first place. If you need to please anyone, it’s God and by extension you. Meanwhile, a man you’ll have to make happy in a relationship has to be one who lacks joy by himself. The first person that can make you happy is you. I’ll rather be in a relationship with someone who has a consistent disposition of happiness.
Folks should free themselves from the shackles of myths surrounding singleness, relationships and marriage. No lady should be pressured to go into an abusive relationship because she is running out of time. Ladies who fail to see singleness as fine and enjoyable are likely to become cooperate slaves and glorified prostitutes.
If I were a lady, I won’t even think of getting into a relationship with a man who can’t take responsibility for his own meals, get his chores done and control his sexual urge. The condition for a meaningful relationship is mutual affection, respect and understanding. Both parties in a relationship have equal rights/roles. The fiancé is not the provider – both parties should provide for themselves or at best support each other. In the same vein, the fiancée is not a maid, laundress, and sex machine.
The need for the knowledge of role-play in relationships is needful or abuse is inevitable. A lady should not consider a relationship as a means to an end and should refuse being taken for granted or used unseemly by a man no matter what he claims to have to offer. If the qualification for a relationship is servitude, shouldn’t you rather be on your own and make your life count?
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